66.66% done!

Today I...

• Had 3 hours sleep before my exam
• Sat one of my first OSCAs where I had to actually TALK to PEOPLE which I was scared about because a) I have not talked to humans for like a whole week and b) my sex counselling video was a total disaster and c) hello I'm an INTP! I hate people! hehe
  
• Was so nervous at some points I wanted to spew my Weetbix
  
• Counselled a fake patient about their herpes test results. I am in love with my tutor right now, because she STRONGLY HINTED that Breaking Bad News would be on the exam, so I actually looked up how to do it and had a framework for what to talk about and was practising "sorry, I'm afraid the HIV test is positive" last night in fact (aloud to myself). It went better than I thought it would. Was grinning all the way out, probably just the adrenaline. But it was like....maybe I'm not actually not as inept as I'd thought. I can do this stuff. I can do people. I listened reflectively! I empathised! And it didn't feel too fake!
  
• Completely blanked on how tiredness would relate to indigestion. Well actually the question was, "how would this change your thinking?" but I was too stuck on reflux to expand to cancer and systemic diseases and haemorrhage. STUPID!
• Had to scurry from the main exam room to the counselling rooms twice. Felt so sorry for the year manager because it's a huge logistics nightmare..they had to shuffle students up and down the corridoor like ten times, and sometimes people were too dumb to realise it was their turn, or went over time. There were walkie talkies involved and they had to co-ordinate timing and stuff.
  
• Took lollies from a stranger
• Took free tea
  
• Got into a car with an acquaintance on a whim, cos he asked if we wanted to go to lunch. The food was semi ok though we did have "what meat is this?" *taste* "I still can't tell" issues, but it was fun talking to people I don't know well.
• Told a guy he reminded me of my seedy uncle. hahahaaha he so does. He's our The Todd...a wannabe beefcake, real Alpha Macho "I like beer and cars and guys who don't are faggots" type. So closeted. Hilarious though. He smokes! We just did lung cancer, emphysema, ERECTILE DYSFUNCTION, diabetes and osteoporosis, and he smokes!
  
• Had to amuse myself on blank OSCA stations. I did half a sudoku and some word thing, but that somehow made me more stressed when I couldn't think of a three-letter colour ending in e, so gave up. Then I made a paper plane which I really wanted to fly, but that would probably be against the rules or something. So lots of the time I sat with my eyes closed and played air piano. That was calming. Also this breathing technique I learned from Mind Performance Hacks...you take deep tummy breaths in for 3 counts, hold for 3, out for 3. Stops the hyperventilation.
  
• Surprised myself at being slightly disappointed that this guy I know has a girlfriend. I never thought of him as potential! Not that he's that attractive, he's just the nerdy semi-weird but nice type I'll probably end up with.
  
• Wondered if the faculty made the questions less demanding this year because they don't want to fail anyone since they're changing the curriculum next year. They're dropping the Regional Rotation would you believe?! This is "We Need YOU to be a rural GP!" Newie we're talking about! And it's entirely for logistics not educational rationale. What a shame. The clinical stuff is, I hope, what will make us think of ourselves as Doctors to Be for the first time, and prepare us more for the real world than this "sit in a room for a week and cram" bit. Shame on you, Newie! This is partly a result of government policy I think. Making new places in med school sells well politically - "look, new doctors on the production line = totally the solution to the shortage!" - but there's the small matter of the hospital system accommodating for the extra training that we wide-eyed wet-behind-the-ears types need. And seriously? GP community placements won't cut it.
  
• Practically danced out of the exam. Such a weight off my chest. The written parts were ok, and regardless, having the two OSCAs out of the way means this hell is almost over.
  
• Asked someone how they coped with failing last year. I'm surprised at who fails. Some of them are obvious slacker "I accidentally got into medicine" types, but then there are also the really studious and serious Malaysians, as well as the outgoing and at least verbally impressive types who teach anatomy and stuff.
  

Ahhh. Such a turnaround from last week. Some of the conclusions I drew then are still true, but I'm on less of an emotional hair trigger now. There is hope. There is life beyond Wednesday. This career is not a trap.

Holyfuckingshit, if I pass these exams, I am HALF A DOCTOR. Or at least half an intern. Dr T-Dizzle. Snort.