Lost in translation

Scene: conversation with a mumbly patient with a jacket covering up her mouth.

Her: Doctor, I have pains / a fever / seizures / am pregnant with octuplets.
Me: You want a blanket?
Her: ???
Me: WANT. BLANKET?
Her: ???
Me: ???
(Both: Weirdo.)

*****
Scene: friendly, nerdy (does Vietnam make them otherwise?) and extremely loquacious Viet student accosts less friendly, less nerdy, taciturn Oz-Viet student. Note that he'd already talked to (= at) me about a) the cathedral in Dalat, b) his goldfish, c) how his parents met, d) how to read an abdominal ultrasound (appreciated) and e) domestic violence in VN. And asked what my religious convictions are and whether I was sad at my parents' divorce. Boundaries already! He got my e-mail and mobile number, mis dios.

Him: Talking to you, it's like honey is melting in my mouth.
Me: Errrr what?
Him: Like honey, you give nourishment to my voice.
(Me: But all I did was nod....twenty minutes ago!)

*****
Scene: a discussion about how (un)likely it is my children will speak Viet.

Five Foot Nothing Ortho Surgeon: You probably will marry a Westerner, right?
Me: Maybe, but possibly an Australian-born Vietnamese like me.
FFNOS: Not a Vietnamese-born Vietnamese?
Me: Most only come up to my shoulder. [forgetting his stature, as we were seated]
Others: LOL!
FFNOS: Some of history's greats were short! Napoleon said that a man's stature should be measured from his head to the sky, not from the ground to his head. Napoleon! Who else?
Others: Hitler?
FFNOS: Hitler! And Charlie Chaplin.
Me: I'm not really looking to marry Hitler or Charlie Chaplin.

*****
Scene: a man lying in bed, bored.

Me: So, what's wrong?
Him: Nothing.
Me: I mean, why are you in hospital?
Him: No reason. Nothing at all.
Me: ... You're here for a rest?

*****
Another time I thought that weedkiller - "thuoc co", literally "grass drug" - was some kind of herbal medicine. And I puzzled for ages about a lady with a presentation suggestive of gall stones, but who'd just had her gallbladder removed recently...until I realised that she'd said she'd just had her pancreas out, not her GB. Same difference right?

We had an Aussie in today and basically I was the language monkey, which I was happy to be. Me with my crapola Viet! It was a good day. Learned a few things, got the same provisional diagnosis as the doctor a few times, was useful to at least one person ("the toilet's outside on the right"...heh), didn't witness any more dust to dust, talked to people. Had delicious variation on bubble tea. And my new tailored pants fit well, MOST importantly. Still secretory though. Are lungs really that necessary? Can I just do away with mine?

Going to the enemy capital tomorrow. Yes, where they captured and tortured John McCain! Except I don't get to stay at the Hilton.