Can of worms

Just had a chat with dad about the grandpa situation and put the hard word on about taking it seriously. Dad said that there's been a change lately, he's been staying in bed all the time. He thinks he's getting weaker and weaker. At the time I said "well, all the more reason to get some medical attention!". But I wonder if I'm doing the right thing, imposing my shiny new (paternalistic Western) medical POV on my family, like some born-again fanatic "saving" the natives from their heathen religion. Slapping on labels and shepherding the sick onto steel conveyor belts of The Healthcare System- is this where it's all leading? When I think of the bleakness of the psych hospital, hell even of general hospitals and nursing homes, and compare it to our experience...the choice isn't obvious. Ong Noi has had a place in our home and family, despite all the ruckus, despite all that my grandma has had to put up with. He's had love and respect, which is a sight more than some psych patients, all but discarded by their families.

No dammit, it's not dichotomous. It's not Barren Institution vs Loving Ethnic Family Environment. Western medicine can co-exist with the latter. And it's not fair to put the whole burden of care on grandma. A co-operative and understanding Viet doctor is what's needed, preferably a family friend.

Argh writing makes me think in thèse antithèse synthèse like it's about some theoretical dilemma, not my own flesh and blood. Inhumanly. I've never been close to grandpa, grandma's the one I've looked up to and adored. She practically raised me. With him there's been a sort of distance. God, I've just realised what a little shit I've been. I treat him with tolerance at best, and at worst, contempt. Yes he is by turns patronising, imperious, demanding and unreasonable...but what personal grievances do I have? What could possibly justify that sort of treatment? And I realise now that I also do this with some other people. I should know better. I DO know better. It's the changing of entrenched behaviours that's the problem.

I dunno whether I'll have the balls to press "publish".